Archive for March, 2009

The “D” word!

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

I can almost laugh about it amidst all the pain!  I hate the “d” word, I think most of you know the word I am talking about.  Isn’t funny how the words death or dying rolled off of the tip of your tongue prior to losing  your brother or sister, and now you cannot even say those words about your brother or sister.  I am sure some of you are like me and think of how many ways you can avoid using those words. You think of all the words you replace the “d” word with- passed, gone, left, went, is away…….etc. 

I really doubt I am alone with this one, I am sure I am not the only a life long member of the club nobody wants to be a member of!

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Pre-secure, Post-insecure!

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

Do any of you feel as if you have the different personalities after losing your sibling? Before Bry left I was secure, emotionally strong, maybe I even used to come off as overly confident.  Now, after Bry passed I can feel insecure in any situation.  I feel emotionally weak, guarded and vulnerable.  I know that seems obvious if you have read any other of my entries, however sometimes I still step back, take a look, and realize how I was “pre” Bryan’s passing and how different I am “post” Bryan’s passing.

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Broken Family Tree

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

The acute pain of losing your sibling seems to suffocate you at times.  We all know these feelings of grief, “try to get out of bed today”, ” just take the pain minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour”, “keep busy and it will not really seem true”.  Did you ever think of the long term effect of this pain?  I know it seems not fair to think about, but a new “grief” question struck me the other day.  After my brother passed, his branch on the family tree crumbled.  So not only was he taken from me early in life, his part of our family history was gone, just vanished.  It may seem like common sense to some, but grief is a form of chronic pain.  The hole his absence has created in my life, brought on many painful questions.

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Am I crazy or did he really talk to me?

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

Has anyone had this happen?  I feel even strange admitting it, but after my brother left I swear I head his voice.  I really think he talked to me.  I saw a figure of him in these trees at the cemetery and he said to me that he loves me and I am going to be okay.  I must be wanting to hear and feel this right? It was so real. I could even tell you what I saw him wearing and exactly where I stood and he was standing. I know I sound crazy, but has anyone else had those unbelievable sightings or heard those unimaginably sounds?

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