Comments for Sibling Grief

Comment on Tell Us Your Story by Marion

Marion — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:14:26 +0000

My sister died Feb 4th 2010 - she was vacationing with her husband in the Canary Islands and training for an Ironman race. While cycling down a steep incline she lost control and crashed into a rock face. Her husband was with her but before the medics could get to her - she died from a fatal head injury. She was just 37 - died a day after her birthday. It’s been over three weeks now and the pain is so acute, so devastating. I am the older sister by 6 years - I loved her and was protective of her. She was the best kind of person - a gifted psychologist. A sheer waste for her to die. I am constantly telling myself that she is gone - I will never see her again - she is dead. I still have the nail polish on my toes from the day we went for a pedicure - the day before she flew out to the Canary Islands. We had a very special friendship. We were not able to have her body brought back to Canada - her husband cremated her over there for reasons of practicality - I don’t know. He is devastated - his one true soulmate is gone and he was left to deal with everything down there for four days before arriving home with her ashes. She was in the prime of her life - a beautiful, vibrant woman - gone.

Comment on Tell Us Your Story by Fiona in Norwich

Fiona in Norwich — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 10:48:46 +0000

The worst thing that anyone said to me was my partner’s sister, in an email. My partner had explained to her that I was surprised that, when we went to visit his sis and her family, she didn’t talk about my recent loss. Her reply was that she couldn’t talk about death and cancer ‘in front of the children.’

In actual fact her teenage daughter and son had gone off into town to meet their friends and weren’t even there so I think that really it’s her who finds the subject of cancer and the death of a man at the age of forty-two disgusting and distasteful.

Everyone told me that I should go and see a bereavement cousellor - even the counsellor at Relate (relationships).

What is it about your sib dying in their forties that everyone wants to send you off to an emotional clap clinic as if you have syphillis or something?

Would it have been easier if Gary, my bro, had died of something other than cancer or is it death itself that everyone is so wound up about?

It was such a relief to find this and adult sibling grief because I really did think I was the only person on the planet who felt this isolated and that it was my fault I’m ‘not coping’.

With starlight and healing to all bereaved sibs

Fiona

Comment on The “D” word! by Dalenny

Dalenny — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:48:01 +0000

Well I most say.. I feel the exact same way about the “d” word as you call it. I have used the words you mentioned. My name is Dalenny, I just lost my brother 5 months ago.. Sept. 24th, eleven days after my birthday.. I completely am with you on this and many other of your posts.

Comment on Tell Us Your Story by jean shanley

jean shanley — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:58:54 +0000

Hi; some siblings challenged me to write a book titled “What about Us” regarding sibling grief; i would love to hear any comments any of you would like to have included. I had a brother died in 1962 and a daughter die in 1987, so i have experience as a bereaved sibling as well as a bereaved parent. what would you like to have people know about the feelings of the siblings and how they cope. I would appreciate any response to my email address: jean@erietechnologycom. please know we do care about all of you and that your sibling would want you to remember him or her and still be happy and move forward with your life.

Comment on Tell Us Your Story by Jeff

Jeff — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:20:51 +0000

Has anyone here visited lunaslight.com? These two sisters lost their sister and created the most amazing mission to help others who have lost someone they love so much. It might help to read their story.

Comment on Am I crazy or did he really talk to me? by JustinsSister

JustinsSister — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 12:40:49 +0000

A few days ago I was sitting in my basement doing some laundry. I was listening to a cd and the next song was coming on when it stopped. I was already upset that day and yelled jokingly at the cd player from across the room “Justin if your here can u fix this??” No joke right after I said that the song came on super loud. Then I thanked him. I don’t know if it really happened and he was really there but it makes me feel better at least thinking its true. Also my 6yr old daughter told me my brother sits in the backseat with her sometimes. Ive heard that children are more perceptive to spirits-I wonder if theres any truth to back it…?

Comment on Pain Highway by JustinsSister

JustinsSister — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 12:27:02 +0000

Personally I don’t think I will EVER ever be able to go anywhere near where my brother had his accident. I give you major props for doing it though. I totally understand what you mean about people driving everyday over that spot on the road-meaning nothing to them-but that one spot is where ur bro(and my bro)lost their lives and that one spot is where we lost a huge chunk of our hearts and souls. That one spot of asphalt changed so many lives in an instant and everyday people drive over it without notice. Thank goodness that the highway where it happened it 5 hrs away so I won’t ever have to encounter it if I don’t want to. My dad wants to see pictures and my aunt even drove up there and took pics of where it happened.I have no interest in seeing them. Don’t get me wrong-I’d love to put up a cross or some flowers on the roadside but I honestly don’t think I can bring myself to go anywhere near that doomed road. I think if its healing to you to see where it happened-then thats you, but for me, I can’t stomach it. I’d freakin lose it-not that I haven’t already.

Comment on Tell Us Your Story by JustinsSister

JustinsSister — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 12:39:27 +0000

November 4th will forever be a day that I hate. My big brother Justin (my only brother) just 26 years old was involved in a horrific car accident on the highway this past year. He was in WI about 5 hours away from where we live when he missed his exit and went 85mph into the back of an oil tanker. Our family was told from the police and funeral directors that he didn’t feel any pain. They said he was looking over his shoulder to see if he could pass when he hit. After the initial impact his car was left on the highway(since the engine was pushed all the way into the back seat there were no working lights in his car) so another semi clipped the back of his car and spun him out again. My aunt recently talked to the oil tanker driver and he said right after it happened he jumped out of his truck and went and sat with my brother until police got there. He said there was no way he could be brought back. His injuries were too bad. His body was too broken. I didn’t fully comprehend why they didn’t try to save him until 2 days after when I saw my brother in a casket, broken beyond belief. Words cannot express what was going through my mind when I sat next to my brother and said goodbye. I ran my fingers through his soft hair(it always felt like a teddy bears fur-so freakin soft) and looked him over. Only half of his face was uncovered, covered with concealer in the spots with scratches and wounds, his hands were cut up and when I lowered myself down to hug him one last time, I felt the tissue paper that filled his shirt sleeve. I freaked. These images flood my mind every day. Then I sit there and try to convince myself to think other things to try and make the pictures get out of my head-but it never works. Never. I know everyone said he felt no pain-but how do they REALLY know? Didn’t they see how badly he was hurt?? It’s been almost 3 months now and I feel like it’s getting worse. Theres no sign of let-up anytime soon. My eyes fill up with salty tears probably 50 times a day, my stomach is in knots, my head spins, my chest gets super tight and I feel like I can’t breathe-My world has just fell off and shattered to a million pieces on the cold hard ground and I have no freakin clue on how to pick those pieces up. I have never felt such a terrible loss in my life like this one. He was the only other person besides my parents that I knew since the day I was born. I will never have neices or nephews, my brother won’t get to dance with me at my wedding, and he won’t get to see his beloved and only neice grow up into a beautiful woman. I just wish I had a few more minutes with him-to tell him how much he meant to me, to tell him how much I looked up to him, to tell him what a wonderful and loving man he grew up to be, to tell him how proud I am of him, and to tell him to save a good spot for me up in Heaven. Justin, I love you and will never stop.
*Justin Michael* 12/14/82-11/04/09

Comment on Tell Us Your Story by Be kind to Yourself

Be kind to Yourself — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:00:44 +0000

Hello 4Bry,

This site has truly helped me to not feel ‘alone’ or ‘crazy’. Reading others stories and having an avenue to share my own has helped me in the healing process instead of being a forgotten mourner as siblings so often are. I believe that more support resources could be available, especially books, it would be good if you are able to write a book to help others out of your own grief. I wish I had something like this when I lost my brother.

Thank you x

Comment on Tell Us Your Story by 4Bry

4Bry — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:55:56 +0000

Carrying others grief is an awful aspect of losing an adult sibling. If we were younger we would not notice, however since we are adults the pain and load we carry is totally different. We recognize so much more. I keep considering writing a book about adult sibling grief. There is not enough support for those of us who have lost siblings at this age. What do you guys think? Are my thoughts helpful, does writing your story help, or does reading other people’s thouhts help, so you do not feel alone. Please let me know……

The intense, deep pain you feel, represents the love and loyality you have for your siblings.