Okay, if you are viewing this webpage you know what I am talking about and have probably heard them all: “they are in a better place”, “it was there time to go”, “God has a plan”……….etc. I really wish people would try to understand that these statements do not help anyone who has lost a loved one. They rarely make grieving people feel better and they never, ever seem to answer your questions. Don’t people realize that when a loved one is “taken” from you, many of us question “God”, question “the plan”, question the reason for living at all.
Tags: Plan Shman
You hit the nail on the head here. The one that bugs me the most is “God has a plan.” Of course I can’t respond to that with “Oh, it was God’s plan for my sister to die an agonizing death after alcohol ruined her liver?” Not much of a plan.
If people only knew that if they don’t know what to say, then say only “I’m sorry” or even nothing at all. Rattling of hollow phrases doesn’t help anybody.
Maxine-
I am gald you replied and I am glad you wrote the “God has a plan.” I knew I forgot a few. I love that, hollow sayings, that is so true and an accurate descriptions of these statements. How long ago did you lose your sister? How old was she? If your are interested write back, if not I understand. Just know what you write can possibly help a lot of people about a subject a lot of people do not want to talk about.
Hi 4Bry,
I had a quick exchange with Maxine over at ASB and told her about our new grief blog. I will let her respond here if interested. Thanks again for reading our thoughts Maxine.
I will add that it was great to talk to Maxine!
KC (4Bry’s Sibling)
I’ve heard those phrases more than I care to. Most people that haven’t lost a brother or sister don’t realize how big the lose is. Losing a sibling takes part of you away. So, “A better place, God’s plan, Pains over, etc.” is for the birds. I grieve for the loss of my brother, Denny and probably will for the remainder of time I am here on earth. I questioned God and I still do, WHY did he take him, I needed him here with me. I sometimes think I should have done something to be with my brother. I will keep you in my thoughts. I KNOW where you are and have been through this dark time.
Lynn
I do not like those sayings either as it just puts a huge wall between me and the person who said one of those things. It is clear that they don’t understand and in all honestly, before my brother was killed, I had no idea what grief was like for people. I did not, however, say things that some people have said to me. For one thing, not everyone is religious and talking about God doesn’t help a non-religious person.
I agree- I heard the “he’s in a better place” from someone and kind of snapped. You know something - he was enjoying himself very much right here and I don’t understand why people would think this is a comforting thing to say. One moment he was here with plans, a future, a life - and he went through a horrible accident and my brother that I love has to go through that and he is away from his life and everything he loved. Part of me is with him, but part of him is with me. You are right - I never understood the severe pain of grief and loss until I lost my brother. I see death and dying frequently in my work, yet I was always comforted that families were able to say goodbye and hold hands with those who were dying. I have often held the hand of someone with no family who was dying. But I couldn’t do that for my brother - that is so painful. I was not able to see his body and I have trouble comprehending that he is gone. I miss him so much. I don’t like to seem ungrateful for the time I had with him and the things we did together.