You all know the feeling, you get caught up in a moment when you see, smell, touch or think of your brother or sister you lost. For me it is pictures. I get caught staring at this picture of my brother and I think, “Why do I have a picture of my brother up?” Then it hits me, why I have his picture up, I have it up because he is gone and his picture is a minute way for me to make him feel alive. I usually start to get pangs deep in my soul that make you want to vomit or go so far away mentally to a place where you can live in denial and not believe what happened. You sit there and say to yourself, “This really did not happen did it?” I catch myself saying that like a broken record in my head. These feelings will never go away I assume. The ongoing painful grieving proces…..
Tags: Deep Pain
I have a picture of my brother on my dresser and I can see it from any angle in the room. I found this frame and is silver with a red heart and inside the heart it says “Free Spirit”. I light a candle from time to time in remembrance. I even kiss the picture. Still after 9 years, I am still grieving my brother, Denny’s death. Sometimes I think he will knock on the door and tell me it was a mistake. I go to a special place in my mind and I can see him and talk to him and even feel him beside me. Am I crazy? Think not….lose is a hard thing to deal with. Keep hanging on and hang on to your loved one. Maybe that’s all we can do.
Take Care,
Lynn
Pictures of Bry are everwhere in our house. To the point where someone may think I am crazy, but I do not care. I like to see his face all around me. I like that idea of lighting a candle, I must try that soon.
My apartment currently looks like a shrine for my brother. I honestly feel bad for my roommate sometimes because it wasn’t his brother, those aren’t his pictures, but they are in his space… I do have a few candles from the vigil we held last month for Steve’s “would be” 25 birthday and I really take pleasure in lighting them and saying a prayer. It creates a very peaceful, serene feeling. This may be a little too much, but on the nights that I am more emotional than the usual cry, I wear his sweats and t-shirts to bed. They still smell like him and that is more calming to me than the pictures and candles. I bought a chest for the end of my bed that holds all of his stuff that I would like to keep tucked away. It is comforting to be able to know that at any point in time I can open up the chest, and take a trip down memory lane.
You are not crazy. To me you are normal. Thanks for sharing your feelings.