Have any of you ever been in the awful situation when you had a stranger or someone that does not know about the sibling you lost, ask you how many brothers or sisters you have.? It is funny, before when I had this question asked to me I would proudly boast,” I have three older brothers and a baby brother.” After we lost my brother, I am unsure how to answer this question. Most of the time I say the same thing I used to say, hoping they will not ask any more questions about my brothers, however if they ask more questions my voice grows unsteady and fear creeps in.
Nervously I begin to think, are they going to ask me the basic questions? How old are your brothers? Where do all your brothers live? What do they do for a living? I start to panic, try my best and to get through the conversation not knowing how to respond. Should I mentioned what happened to my brother? Will I freak out this person if I tell them? What if they begin to ask me details of his death, then what will I say?
I hate that I am put in this position now. It used to be such a proud and powerful part of my identity and now I have a wall around many parts of who I am. I do not know my identity without my family feeling “whole.”
