Sibling Grief

Do any of you struggle and hold on to the last touch you had of your brother or sister?  I feel as if it can almost come off as incestuous, so I do not like to talk about it much.  I think and try to bring to life the last time I physically touched my brother and I hold on to this thought. I truly think these thoughts will never go away.  I long to touch him again, as I am sure all of you long to touch your brother of sister again.  It is just one of those things I am ashamed to admit, it sounds creepy talking this way about my brother.  Maybe I am crazy, maybe I think that if I can just touch him one more time he will be alive or maybe I miss him more than I can handle.