Many of our readers have asked if we can add a my story section where people tell their own story. Please click here or use the comment section on this post to talk about your story. Feel free to remain anonymous.
Many of our readers have asked if we can add a my story section where people tell their own story. Please click here or use the comment section on this post to talk about your story. Feel free to remain anonymous.
My brother, Denny left this world nine years ago, but it still hurts and the pain is as fresh as the day he died. We were so close and I always feared that he would leave me. He was my pillar of strenght. Like most brothers and sisters, we sure did have our disagreements, but we were always there for each other. Our lives were so very hard and we stuck together for each other like glue. He promised me he would not leave me, but he did. The day he was buried, a big part of me went in the ground with him. I’d give anything to just see him one more time, seems like your loved one leaves to soon and there are a millions things you wanted to say, that you didn’s say enough while they were here. I love him so much and life is a very empty place without him here with me. I know he watches me and I can feel his presence often. I know that his pain and suffering are over, but mine got worse when he died. He is in a better place and I know that I will see him again when my time here on earth is over. I miss and love you Denny. Love always, your sister Lynn…
I enjoyed reading your story and I agree that people do not understand sibling loss. That is why we started this. This subject of greif gets over looked too often.
I recently read an article about grief. The question was asked of the
person experienceing loss… Have you found your metaphor yet?
I really thought about this. I think I have.
I go fishing. Somewhere in the casting, smoking bad cigars, wondering
about why fish bite certain lures and not others, I find peace.
Have you found your metaphor yet?
As I read the many exerpts from people who have lost their sibling(s), I find myself in pain all over again. I lost my FAVORITE sister just two months ago. She had an enlarged heart but did not know it. It was a sudden and unexpected death. We were very close in age, only 1 1/2 years apart and were always in school together. We both grew up and had families. Although we didn’t talk weekly, at the times we did it was like we just saw each other yesterday. I miss her dearly and as I am typing (and working), I am getting teary eyed. I’m sure others have felt this way. I just want to say that it is comforting to know that I am not alone. It was reassuring reading the many articles and feeling I am not crazy afterall, everything I am feeling is normal and natural. As I wipe the tears from my eyes, I thank God for the 53 years of life he has given me with my favorite sister. I must sign off now as I hold back my tears. Thanks for listening.
Butch- You words are sweet, helpful and appriciated. Thank you for sharing. You may be suffering and grieving by hours or minutes right now, however, please know your story really does help others.
My brother Steven passed away 2 months ago… he was 24. The age of the person really who has passed doesn’t really matter in the sense that we all greive for the connection that we had now is physically gone, however his age and the unexpected tragedy that had occured leaves me in a position where I question life and God’s plan. I am his little sister.. 22 years old.. and we were each other’s only siblings. I feel like my life has been turned upsidedown and it is hard to find my purpose in this confusing, unpromising world. I haven’t been able to come to terms yet as to why this has happened, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I do know that I was blessed because God chose me to be his sister. God gave me Steven for 22 years. For 22 years I was able to look up to him and to grow with him. For 22 years I was given the chance to have a beautiful, strong relationship with him that some brothers and sisters don’t get the chance to experience. It is hard to lose someone, but with your sibling you lose part of your past, your present, and your future all at once. It is an unreal feeling, and I hope that with time I can fully understand how lucky I was to have 22 years with him.
Shannon,
Your words are so helpful because many of us feel similar feelings. Nothing to I can write will help, please understand in your pain journey you are not alone. Thank you for sharing!
My brother Bill Passed away just over 2 weeks ago. It was very sudden. He was only 33 and his son just turned 1 month and one day old the day of my brothers passing. We had talked about how we wanted our children to be close just like when we were as kids and that our children would bring us even closer together. Now all of that has been taken away, I know that I will keep my promise and that mysef and my children will be a big part of my nephews life.
I know its soon but I just can’t seem to wrap my head or my heart around the fact that he is really gone. I also can’t understand how some times I seem fine and the very next minute I can barely keep it together.
It is comforting to know that I am not alone, but at the same time it breaks my heart to know that so many others are going through such sadness.
My brother was a son, father, musician, teacher of music, and one of the most passionate, loving and funniest people I knew.
Shari,
You are not alone and please share more if and when you would like!
My brother was killed in an accident 10 months ago. I have experienced death of my family members before, but not like this. He was such a strong influence in my life. I cannot explain the profound impact that this loss has had on me. I feel not entirely entitled to feel it this deeply because he had a partner, a daughter, and my mom and dad - I think all of these relationships are so incredibly important that maybe my feeling of loss should not be as deep as theirs. Does anyone else feel this? I have my own family and am kept very busy with them - feels like I have had little time to really grasp the reality of his death. I miss him so much. I’ve noticed its very true “laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone”. Nobody wants to be around someone who is sad all of the time so I decided not to think about him actually being gone - kind of pretending he is away but he’ll be back, so I am able to act more “normal” again. People have commented that I seem to be “over it” - it makes others more comfortable to be around me.
I feel like I will never be the same again but I’m forced to act how others think I should be in order to get through my life. Am I going crazy?!??
I loved my brother so much- I am trying so hard to make his life lessons impact my life in a positive way.
So many horrible things happen to people who seem to survive and thrive- and I am desperately broken because of the loss of my brother. How can I “get over” this and how can I not!!??
Jane-
Thank you so much for sharing. Your story really moved me, even if you feel lost and broken. I enjoyed your quote too. We all become a great actors admist the pain….don’t you think?
Jane,
My situation is similar to yours, I too feel that my grief for my brother should not be as deep as his wife, my parents and his children. But at the same time nobody knew my brother as I knew him, especially when we were younger. I feel like a part of my past has been erased, he was my best friend in a way that only siblings can be. So I guess we should not compare our grief to anyone else because everyone of us is on our own journey and our pain is just as real and deep.
I too have my own family and they keep me busy. In a way I find comfort that my children keep me moving on but I feel it is important to take time for yourself and cry,get angry or do whatever you need to do. As for everyone else don’t worry about them and how they feel, they understand if they love you.
I don’t think this is something that I will ever get over and I still cannot believe he is gone but I don’t think it is good to pretend he will be back. Your comment about this thought worries me but I’m glad you are sharing. If you want to talk about anything, I will be checking to see your response. I hope I haven’t offended or hurt you with any of my comments. I feel responding to your story helps me in some way.
Keep in touch.
WELL MY BROTHER IS A, WAS A STAFF SERGEANT IN THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE HE WAS MARRIED WITH 2 SONS AND ONE ON THE WAY A GUN SHOT WOUND TO HIS HEAD KILLED HIM ON JULY 26 TH 2008 I HAVE BEEN IN DENIL FOR THE LAST YEAR GOING OUT TO VISIT HIM THIS PAST WEKEND AND SEEING HIS NOW 10 MONTH OLD SON SITTING ON HIS GRAVE…… HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS SOMEONE PLEASE HELP, I NEVER ASK FOR HELP MY FATEHR ALWAYS TAUGHT US THAT ASKING MEANS YOU DON’T NEED IT BUT I NEED IT I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN KEEP ON LIVING MY LIFE I WAS PREGNANT AND LOST MY BABY BEHIND LOOSING MY BROTHER I SLEPT IN THE HOSPITAL WITH MY MOM FOR A WEEK SHE HAD A HEART ATTACK IT TOOK THEM A WEEK TO BRING MY BROTHER HOME IT SEEMS EVERY TIME I SMELL I CAN SMELL HIM THE SMELL OF ROTTING FLESH. AND BEING THE YOUNGEST I CAN’T TALK TOANYONE I HAVE TO BE ‘STRONG’ RIGHT …..
I am so sorry for your pain. Words cannot help, nothing helps. I was 36 weeks pregnant when I lost my brother. It is the most lonley feeling possible to lose live exterbnally and to hold love within. I wish I could help you and I wish I could take it away for you. Just know people read this, know many people in this world are walking around broken and do not show it. Talk as much as you want, write words as much as you can and continue to love him, keep him alive. The more you love, the more pain you will feel.
Dear Jane and Broken Heart,
The same as Shari, this comes with love and concern:
I really hope you are still reading this thread.
My beautiful brother was killed by gunshot in the military 17 years ago now and it still hurts very much today. Unfortunately it took me 15 years to finally realise what had happened as I ‘pretended he was away’ I finally got the courage to visit the place he passed in 2008 for closure as I was still a teenager when it happened. For years I did and ‘thought’ what you have written. Ideas such as ‘being strong for everyone’ and ‘I feel not entirely entitled to feel it this deeply’, ‘don’t ask for help’ ‘get over it’. My brother’s passing (yes the ‘d’ word is still hard to admit to) was traumatic and it is apparent now that I had PTSD although managed to have a normal and successful life on the outside, I was just existing on the inside. ‘In denial and being strong’.
Out of absolute love for your broken hearts, I encourage you to seek grief counselling and support groups as well as writing on this thread. You will be able to speak and feel without fear freely and be given the tools to carry on. Your parents and other siblings may be unable to help you as they struggle with their own grief - they too have changed. As many have written, others do not understand as they think the bond isn’t as ‘worthy’ as other relationships. I actually had someone say that to me, that my parents must have been devastated but it wouldn’t have impacted on me as much as he was just a brother. I wasn’t mad because it came from a place of naivety as do many friends and relatives comments - they don’t know what to say. People not close to their siblings cannot fathom the hole and emptiness you feel when a part of you dies. And as someone said - your past, present and future is altered forever in an instant. You cannot possibly travel this journey alone without long term damage. Do not be embarrassed or hushed in your grief, it is very real, very normal, you are confused and in spiritual pain. It can affect every part of your life and of course you are changed. You won’t ‘get over it’ but instead learn to process and manage it. You will slowly and IN YOUR TIME AND WAY create a new future (that you deserve) with them tucked safely in your hearts. Perhaps think about what they would want for you. Talk to them, go to or make a special place for them where you can feel close. They love you and wouldn’t want you to suffer and become ill by holding it in. Surround yourself with positive and giving spirits who can carry you part of the way. You took the first step in reaching out by coming here :o)
Love and light x
It has been about 4 and a half months now that my brother has passed away. It seems to be getting harder as the time goes by. I feel as a wife and a mother of two my time for grieving is always somehow put on hold. I have heard that the grieving process tends to get harder between the 4 to 6 month mark, I also think its because my brother’s birthday is on October 4th and Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner and I know these will be very difficult times. I don’t think a night has gone by without dreaming about my brother. I feel like I am just about to reach my breaking point. Is there anyone else that can relate, I feel that I’m not making any sense. Sometimes I feel that I have so much I need to say but I don’t know how to get the words out!
I lost my brother nine weeks ago today. He died fighting in afghanistan, the pain i feel is unimaginable. I feel like iv only just come out of shock, and hit reality with a big bang, i need my big brother back.
Natalie-
Try to take one second at at time. Take in pride in the cause he was serving. Hang on!!! I cannot say you are not alone, becasue you do feel alone. But I can say many of us have lost brothers and sisters and the pain is unique and very difficult to explain. It is an undescribable relationship. Thanks for sharing!
Hello Natalie,
I am so very sorry to read of your loss, you must be very sad and confused at the moment. It is great that you have come here to share this with everyone, it must have taken a lot of courage.
As 4Bry has said, one second at a time…literally. Don’t rush yourself but try to take care of yourself by eating properly and getting some sleep. Athough your heart feels empty, your body will be reacting…it is normal.
When you are ready maybe describe some of those feelings or even something about your brave brother. He has served his country with great honour.
Take care Love and Light x
Share, I cannot relate as such as I was only 19 when I lost my brother but I did experience that strange muteness and also feeling like I shouldn’t say anything. I also had many vivid dreams which at first made me hurt even more but in time I started to use them as comfort. Other family members and friends had similar experiences and I have read on here that others have too.
Even today he ‘visits’ in my dreams and they make me happy even though I cry… as I can remember him better. Have you thought about writing your thoughts down, writing a poem or letter to your brother? You are making perfect sense by the way. It is hard but in time it won’t be so frequent. You have to feel what you feel.
Love and Light x
I lost my big brother on June 22nd 2009. I e-mailed or spoke with him twice a month. We were very close growing up and were on the same page. He lived in the far north so I did not get to see him often. He was to come home for the summer. Suddenly he passed on with a massive heart attack.
I am so over whelmed that I cannot see or talk to him anymore.
At the beginning I was so angry that I was not fit to be around. I have gotten better with this but without him I feel so alone and vunerable. I was always so confident and happy. The pain is so great that as I write I feel the tears coming.
I know I need to write a journal so no one will forget him and remember what a good man he was to his family.
Janice,
I too lost my big brother back on May 15 2009. He also passed with a massive heart attack. In the begining the shock of his sudden passing made me somewhat numb. Now I can see that is your mind and body’s way of helping you cope with the many things that need to be done. As the time passes the reality that he is really gone is becoming so real, but I can’t wrap my head or my heart around the fact he will never come back.
Even though our stories have simularities, I know everyone’s situation and grieving process is unique. I would however, like to hear more from you maybe some of the things we are feeling at this point may be the same.
I would like to end by saying I don’t know how you feel but my heart goes out to you. Doesn’t is just boil your blood on how some people think they know how you feel, or offer advice on how they think you should be dealing with this. Maybe that is just the “anger” part of the grieving process but what do I know?
My big brother died in a fire in February this year. The past 10 months have gone by so quickly it terrifies me. Everyday still hurts as much as it did at the start. I hate living like this, I feel like I’m going through the motions. I don’t know how I can ever get past this. Or if I even want to. I can’t bring myself to accept that he’s really gone.
I lost my older brother two months ago. We have had to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. I use the word celebrate and honestly, I barely made it through. I feel angry, I feel sorrow, I feel emptiness, I feel that part of myself is missing. My brother was only two years older than myself and we were very close throughout our entire lives. I feel inadequate to help my mother with her grief as I can barely breathe myself most days. I am hoping that the enveloping loss will get easier one day.
Hi Amy,
Your post is identical to my situation, (and my name is amy too!). I lost my older brother who was also only 2 years older than me right before the holidays. It was completely unexpected. My mom is taking it so hard I feel like every time I’m around her and the rest of my family I need to be positive and happy so as not to contribute more to the heavy, sad mood that follows them. Because of this pressure I put on myself to be the strong one, it can be overwhelming and I’ve noticed I’ve been reaching out to my family less. Has anyone felt the same?
Carrying others grief is an awful aspect of losing an adult sibling. If we were younger we would not notice, however since we are adults the pain and load we carry is totally different. We recognize so much more. I keep considering writing a book about adult sibling grief. There is not enough support for those of us who have lost siblings at this age. What do you guys think? Are my thoughts helpful, does writing your story help, or does reading other people’s thouhts help, so you do not feel alone. Please let me know……
The intense, deep pain you feel, represents the love and loyality you have for your siblings.
Hello 4Bry,
This site has truly helped me to not feel ‘alone’ or ‘crazy’. Reading others stories and having an avenue to share my own has helped me in the healing process instead of being a forgotten mourner as siblings so often are. I believe that more support resources could be available, especially books, it would be good if you are able to write a book to help others out of your own grief. I wish I had something like this when I lost my brother.
Thank you x
November 4th will forever be a day that I hate. My big brother Justin (my only brother) just 26 years old was involved in a horrific car accident on the highway this past year. He was in WI about 5 hours away from where we live when he missed his exit and went 85mph into the back of an oil tanker. Our family was told from the police and funeral directors that he didn’t feel any pain. They said he was looking over his shoulder to see if he could pass when he hit. After the initial impact his car was left on the highway(since the engine was pushed all the way into the back seat there were no working lights in his car) so another semi clipped the back of his car and spun him out again. My aunt recently talked to the oil tanker driver and he said right after it happened he jumped out of his truck and went and sat with my brother until police got there. He said there was no way he could be brought back. His injuries were too bad. His body was too broken. I didn’t fully comprehend why they didn’t try to save him until 2 days after when I saw my brother in a casket, broken beyond belief. Words cannot express what was going through my mind when I sat next to my brother and said goodbye. I ran my fingers through his soft hair(it always felt like a teddy bears fur-so freakin soft) and looked him over. Only half of his face was uncovered, covered with concealer in the spots with scratches and wounds, his hands were cut up and when I lowered myself down to hug him one last time, I felt the tissue paper that filled his shirt sleeve. I freaked. These images flood my mind every day. Then I sit there and try to convince myself to think other things to try and make the pictures get out of my head-but it never works. Never. I know everyone said he felt no pain-but how do they REALLY know? Didn’t they see how badly he was hurt?? It’s been almost 3 months now and I feel like it’s getting worse. Theres no sign of let-up anytime soon. My eyes fill up with salty tears probably 50 times a day, my stomach is in knots, my head spins, my chest gets super tight and I feel like I can’t breathe-My world has just fell off and shattered to a million pieces on the cold hard ground and I have no freakin clue on how to pick those pieces up. I have never felt such a terrible loss in my life like this one. He was the only other person besides my parents that I knew since the day I was born. I will never have neices or nephews, my brother won’t get to dance with me at my wedding, and he won’t get to see his beloved and only neice grow up into a beautiful woman. I just wish I had a few more minutes with him-to tell him how much he meant to me, to tell him how much I looked up to him, to tell him what a wonderful and loving man he grew up to be, to tell him how proud I am of him, and to tell him to save a good spot for me up in Heaven. Justin, I love you and will never stop.
*Justin Michael* 12/14/82-11/04/09
Has anyone here visited lunaslight.com? These two sisters lost their sister and created the most amazing mission to help others who have lost someone they love so much. It might help to read their story.
Hi; some siblings challenged me to write a book titled “What about Us” regarding sibling grief; i would love to hear any comments any of you would like to have included. I had a brother died in 1962 and a daughter die in 1987, so i have experience as a bereaved sibling as well as a bereaved parent. what would you like to have people know about the feelings of the siblings and how they cope. I would appreciate any response to my email address: jean@erietechnologycom. please know we do care about all of you and that your sibling would want you to remember him or her and still be happy and move forward with your life.
The worst thing that anyone said to me was my partner’s sister, in an email. My partner had explained to her that I was surprised that, when we went to visit his sis and her family, she didn’t talk about my recent loss. Her reply was that she couldn’t talk about death and cancer ‘in front of the children.’
In actual fact her teenage daughter and son had gone off into town to meet their friends and weren’t even there so I think that really it’s her who finds the subject of cancer and the death of a man at the age of forty-two disgusting and distasteful.
Everyone told me that I should go and see a bereavement cousellor - even the counsellor at Relate (relationships).
What is it about your sib dying in their forties that everyone wants to send you off to an emotional clap clinic as if you have syphillis or something?
Would it have been easier if Gary, my bro, had died of something other than cancer or is it death itself that everyone is so wound up about?
It was such a relief to find this and adult sibling grief because I really did think I was the only person on the planet who felt this isolated and that it was my fault I’m ‘not coping’.
With starlight and healing to all bereaved sibs
Fiona
My sister died Feb 4th 2010 - she was vacationing with her husband in the Canary Islands and training for an Ironman race. While cycling down a steep incline she lost control and crashed into a rock face. Her husband was with her but before the medics could get to her - she died from a fatal head injury. She was just 37 - died a day after her birthday. It’s been over three weeks now and the pain is so acute, so devastating. I am the older sister by 6 years - I loved her and was protective of her. She was the best kind of person - a gifted psychologist. A sheer waste for her to die. I am constantly telling myself that she is gone - I will never see her again - she is dead. I still have the nail polish on my toes from the day we went for a pedicure - the day before she flew out to the Canary Islands. We had a very special friendship. We were not able to have her body brought back to Canada - her husband cremated her over there for reasons of practicality - I don’t know. He is devastated - his one true soulmate is gone and he was left to deal with everything down there for four days before arriving home with her ashes. She was in the prime of her life - a beautiful, vibrant woman - gone.