Do any of you struggle and hold on to the last touch you had of your brother or sister? I feel as if it can almost come off as incestuous, so I do not like to talk about it much. I think and try to bring to life the last time I physically touched my brother and I hold on to this thought. I truly think these thoughts will never go away. I long to touch him again, as I am sure all of you long to touch your brother of sister again. It is just one of those things I am ashamed to admit, it sounds creepy talking this way about my brother. Maybe I am crazy, maybe I think that if I can just touch him one more time he will be alive or maybe I miss him more than I can handle.
Tags: to feel life
I am very comforted by a sweet hug my brother gave me during the last visit home before he died. We were helping my father load furniture into a wagon. It was the same house where we had grown up as kids with so many memories, positive and negative. My dad is very bossy and particular and we were doing a good job of keeping him happy. We were standing in the yard under the big oak trees. I had been e-mailing my brother every day for a couple of years trying to give him support during a very difficult time for him. My dad had gone inside for a minute and my brother came over and gave me a sideways hug and put his head on my shoulder. It was so affectionate and filled with such love and understanding of all we’d gone through and would always go through and how much we loved one another. It meant the world to me as we are not a very physically affectionate family. I know what you mean and I’d give anything to be able to hug my brother again. I still cannot believe that he was killed so violently. He was such a kind soul.
for me it is not the last touch but the last words we ever said to each other. We had gone to my sisters for easter and my parents and I were dropping him and his kids off. He had taken his daughter in and had came back to get his son. I said “Love ya Tom and I’ll see you later” he looked at me and said “love ya too Kit(his nickname for me since childhood) and I’ll see ya later” He died 2 weeks later and I had never spoken to him again before he passed… Th regrets are getting to be too much that I never said more to him that day…
I used to love to just muss my little sister’s hair or hold her hand when I could tell she felt bad about or spoon her while no one was watching. I was this macho guy in his twenties and she was a teenage girl and I was afraid to show any affection at all for fear of being weird or looking creepy or demonstrative. It’s all stupid compared to when she died her senior year and how I regretted not telling her how much I loved her or how beautiful she was or how much hope it gave me to watch her grow up. I hadn’t been physically demonstrative towards her in 9 months when I walked up and gave her a long kiss on the neck in her coffin. All love is a little bit physical, not incestuous or creepy at all. Don’t diminish your love for your brother that way.